A boring day in hi-sec turns into a funny one.

OK, a good number of days in hi-sec are boring. Mine. Refine. Sell. Repeat. *Yawn* But it is the life I chose so far. If you read some of the blogs listed in the blogroll, you’ll find some action: D-GTMI. HED-GP. Providence. Catch. Crazy fun.

I love to read about the adventures of those (mostly) pirates and ruffians. Lots of pew-pew, but also lots of strategy, logistics and treachery. It is an ever evolving drama/adventure/comedy show. And the descriptions of the massive fleet battles is intense. Check them out.

After a bit of mining, I tire and head back to the mining office. I have my trusty Incursus Thelxiepeia gassed up and ready to go. Kino is dispatched to pick up supplies and such several jumps away, so he is off in an Iteron V Alcyone. Normally, corporate Ittys are named Hestia X, with X indicating the hull number. But, as reward for qualifying to fly the Itty V, he got to name one for his use. Corporate ships typically have ancient Earth Greek mythological names. They just sound cool. And much better than Kino’s ship names before he joined the corp (Ivy, Azalea, etc….seriously. Flowers!).

I zip out of dock and head to corporate headquarters to finalize mineral sales. I am too bored to sit behind a desk, so I grab one of the most worthless ships Gallente engineers have come up with: the Celestis cruiser.

I don’t know of any reason to own one. With 2 launcher hardpoints / 3 turret points but only 4 high slots, 5 medium slots, 3 low and a tiny drone bay, this cruiser makes no sense, at least not in the Gallente idea of shipbuilding. Methinks a spy was planted on the design team to create this abortion of a ship. 5% bonus for hybrid turret, 5% remote sensor dampener bonus. Pfff.

Yet I signed off on the purchase order. It was during the time that corporate strategy dictated a “One of Everything” approach to starship ownership. So, an order was generated for the Celestis. I named her Agdistis, which was a Greek deity who had both male and female genitalia. You just can’t heads or tails out of the thing. And it is ugly. It looks like the floating head of a disembodied elephant.

Yet, I fly the thing. I use it as a probing ship. With an expanded probe launcher, a shield tank, some rig enhancements, and a cloak, she does quite well in the role. I have used her in W space as well as on  a low sec mission (yes. I took the damn thing into low-sec. That is a story for another day). I dedicated her for the scan role, so she gets to sit at the ready for scanning, along with a dedicated Tristan in a similar role.

I called down and had Agdistis ready to go when I reached the corporate hanger. Out to some secret spots we went. I drop 5 probes at one spot, then warp to the other and cloak. Yeah, I am in hi-sec today, but I practice for “the real thing”.

Up pops a Serpentis Warehouse on the scanner. I love probing (no pun intended). Sweet. This ought to be fun. A quick check showed no other ship. Maybe I am the first to find it. The system was slow today and not very well-travelled. I head back to the office to grab an appropriate ship.

Kino reports in when he docked over at the mining office. I asked what he had on standby. Just his Catalyst Lethe II, plus the corporate mining and transport ships. We actually have about 200 ships there, but most of those are production runs of shuttles.

Eager to get into action, I told him to fly the Cat. I jumped into my Cat after the hanger monkey docked Agdistis. 2 Catalysts ought to do plenty damage. Besides, my ship Eris III was rigged for salvaging with 3 salvaging rigs. However, it did have 5 125 mm Prototype Gauss guns, a mag vortex stab and F-AQ tracking. It will make mincemeat of the typical Serpentis frig, destroyer or cruiser. A small shield tank thus is what I have to use.

I zip out to the bookmark, fleet up with Kino, and he arrives. He is only rocking meta 1 guns, a full mix of 125s and 75s. Hmmm. Shield gen plus OD booster. Umm, what do you use this setup for? He does have Caldari Navy Plutonium. Hmmmmm

You have to remember, we’re miners and transport drivers. We’re not fighters, that’s for sure. More like a bunch of rich kids playing laser tag. We think we can shoot guns, but we really can’t.

Through the first gate. Lots of baddies. Pew-pew. Next gate. More of the same. Finding some overlord’s personal belongings. Wheee., this is fun. Another gate or two. I lost count. We hit the final one, and then the hilarity began.

You see, what strategy we were using was that I would use the afterburner and zip close to one cluster of baddies, target them, fire off a volley that was way out of range, which would cause them to target me. I would then lead them back to Kino, and we’d both pick targets and fire at range. Throw out our drones, and it is pretty efficient. Kino only has overdrives, no AB, so using him just basically as a stationary gunship made things easy. And it was effective. Until the last place.

Too many Serpentis came at once. I had no problem keeping the baddies at bay, but Kino started to have problems. The smaller and faster frigs got in too close, and he had trouble tracking them. Then he wandered too close to a cruiser and he was in deep doo.

Shield held for a while, but once they got into armor, it was a quick death. He tried to warp away, but panicked. You see, he had fiddled with his overview, using ships only, but evidently those settings were applied to all the tabs (yes, the overview is buggy in our honest opinions). He had nothing to warp to. Instead of just clicking on his people and places button, which had any number of landmarks, he just freaked out…I heard that siren wail over comms….

*Boom*

And there is Kino sitting in his Easter Egg.

I couldn’t stop laughing. He rushed back to the mining office. He should have taken the time to go to corporate, but instead went there and found that the only ship available that wasn’t a transport was an unarmed Navitas. he dug through the weapons hangar to scrounge up a few blasters.

I took care of the rest of the baddies easily. I just kept the AB on and ran perpeniculars to the Serpentis groups. Kept them at about 11km, which is in my roundhouse, and picked them off one by one. My drone was long gone, but had scooped up Kino’s and used it well. I’m a level 4 on Drone Interfacing, which allows the little scout drones to pack a nice punch.

By the time Kino showed up in his Slow-itas, the only thing he could do was loot as my hold was getting full. I did all the salvaging and took out the bunkers. I had great fun.

Kino was pissed.

When we got back to the offices, I was bushed. Kino was steamed. He had to go back to the mining office and drop off the Crappy-tas. When he arrived, he found out that he had to go pick up some stuff in a few systems over immediately.

4 new Catalysts.

I love making buy orders in flight.

Fly safe, folks.

-Ze

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